little girl, little girl [entries|friends|calendar] i'm the existance that's purpose is for knowledge [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Tuesday Jun 20th, 2006 12:04 pm] The Daily Om. (www.dailyom.com) Wonderment Of Life The Things We Take For Granted Most of us begin our days with a continuous list of things we need to do to keep our lives running smoothly, but we rarely take time to note all the things we don't need to do. For example, we don't need to figure out how to breathe. We don't need to find a way to make sure the earth continues to revolve around the sun. We don't need to concentrate to ensure that our heart beats and our cells regenerate. All of these things, and many more, take care of themselves without our having to think or do anything at all. This is the miracle of life on earth. Beyond the wonder of the natural world, we have the wonder of human-created conditions such as indoor plumbing, electricity, automobiles, airplanes, telephones, and the Internet to name a few. Someone living just a hundred years ago would be overwhelmed by the ease with which we can communicate with people all over the world. Every day, millions of us jump on airplanes and fly to distant locations in a matter of hours. If we have access to a computer, we can read obscure information about any subject, free of charge, at any time of the day or night. And yet, it's only when one of these miraculous inventions fails that we notice it at all. When you wake up tomorrow, take time to notice how many things are running smoothly, how many small miracles compose your day. If you wear glasses or contact lenses, as you put them on, take a moment to appreciate the fact that without them, you would be unable to see. Your life would be entirely different if someone hadn't invented corrective lenses. As you take in your world, you might feel a moment of gratitude for the basic fact that, once again, the sun has risen to illuminate the abundant earth, and the earth's gravitational field holds you and all that you hold dear in a tight, life-affirming embrace. 12 notes | can you hear my song?

[Monday Jun 19th, 2006 10:33 pm] ( JOIN!! ) 24 notes | can you hear my song?

[Monday Jun 19th, 2006 11:21 am] So my job applications are turned into the Shake Shoppe, Burt's Pet Center, and Movie Gallery. The Shake Shoppe isn't hiring for another month but the cute manager said he definitely is keeping me in mind in case anything comes up, and I stood there talking to him for about 15 minutes because he kept repeating himself, haha. The movie gallery isn't hiring right now but they said that they'd keep my app on file anyway... The most promising is the pet store from what the co-owner said, he liked my resume, and was happy that I have an open schedule. I hope I get the pet store job just because of the darn cute animals that I can play with, and I have some knowledge about different products like pet antibiotics because I've worked with them at the lab. I have a darn good resume if I may say so myself (yes yes arrogant I know) but my mother is the resume-masta, and the meeting planning I did over the summer (which was hectic but a really good job), and childcare are really well-presented in my resume, and so are my special areas of interest. *Crosses fingers* 1 note | can you hear my song?

[Tuesday Jun 13th, 2006 10:07 pm] [ mood | contemplative ] Sometimes I wish... ...That the extra attachments that attach themselves around our minds were non-existant and that life outside of ourselves were never thought of, nor created, nor composed. That perhaps, we should exist solely alone yet not alone. Every being would inhabit its own space or state of living. For if there was no composition of any alternative character we would be ignorant to such and free of experiencing pain through adverse attachments. Oh what would we be if it was spontaneous?! If this were the case, I would envelop myself within the natural emotion emitted from my soul uninhibited by outside figures... and form with my soul, music that only my ears would hear... and the music would become part of me, since I would exist inherently from anyone else as anyone else would exist inherently from me. I could bond with my spontaneous action and reaction with notes and sounds and it would be beautiful. Sometimes I just want to be in collaboration with nothing in life but the white and black keys that read me so well... that tell my story better than anyone else ever could or ever will. ♥ 3 notes | can you hear my song?

[Monday Jun 12th, 2006 12:25 pm] [ mood | bouncy ] Have you guys been watching the World Cup? AHHH I'm going crazy. I've watched every game! Right now it's U.S.A & Czech and we're down 0-1 in the 26th minute. Oh God we better win. *crosses fingers* And aside from soccer.... JUSTINE HENIN-HARDENNE & RAFAEL NADAL (my favorites) won the French Open!!!! It was amazing. Especially Nadal's game against Federer... it was fierce. :D 2 notes | can you hear my song?

[Sunday Jun 11th, 2006 3:21 pm] ( the__jungle ) 2 notes | can you hear my song?

FREE SHEET MUSIC [Tuesday Apr 18th, 2006 5:30 pm] I'm going through my sheet music files. I've found these so far... if you want any of the files just reply. PHANTOM OF THE OPERA - music of the night, phantom of the opera YANN TIERSEN - le moulin, la dispute, comptine d'un autre ete ELTON JOHN - your song, candle in the wind VIVALDI - autumn from 'the four seasons' CHOPIN - waltz in c# minor, raindrop prelude GEORGES BIZET - la toupie part I & II BRAHMS - hungarian dance no. 1 GERSHWIN - rhapsody in blue QUEEN - book of all songs (I think... it has a lot) MOULIN ROUGE - come what may SCHINDLER'S LIST - main theme ZEPPELIN - stairway to heaven STEPHEN DURO - jazz club piano solos (book) ALL TIME BEST COLLECTION (book) LIZA MINELLI - new york new york LEGEND OF ZELDA SUPER MARIO BROTHERS THEME BEN FOLDS - brick GUNS N ROSES - november rain 33 notes | can you hear my song?

[Monday Apr 17th, 2006 9:07 pm] [ mood | chipper ] So today was a decent day. Mom & I went to Wal-Mart (haha) and I got about 6 different facial cleansers and bought 2 bras, one a light pink the other a deep blue with lace. :D I didn't get to play tennis because of my knees, they hurt pretty bad... and I ate a little more today but I ate pretty well... Oat cereal, serving of nuts, small wheat bagel, wheat crackers with a really light dip, special K fruit bar, and raisins. Then I got a lecture from mom about weight, when she has no room to talk because she was under 120 all her life... and there are photos of her where she looks anorexic. Ugh. But, at least... I wore my tightest pair of jeans today and they were loose on me, and you all know I have a fairly big arse that rivals J.Lo, and even they were loose on my arse. A couple of my favorite belts are too big for me, and I notice a big loss of fat on my lovehandles which makes me extremely excited. I'm finally gaining the muscle I had last year, back. When I flex my triceps you actually see that defined line of muscle. (from my backhands and serves in tennis I'm assuming.) so YAY! Anyway, I'm going to the gym every morning for the rest of the week so I'll be able to get on the bikes, treadmill, and do some lifting on the machines(I'm almost up to 100lbs. with my upper body which is pretty good because I pretty much have a nonexistant upper body, haha) I'm also going to be heading down to South Charleston, either by Wednesday or Thursday and I can't wait... I'll probably stay for the whole weekend since I miss everyone!! 3 notes | can you hear my song?

IM SO DAMN... [Monday Apr 17th, 2006 12:42 am] [ mood | mellow ] vain today. Mutter & I have agreed that we'll both get plastic surgery on our chins (her idea) since we have the family 'chin' where if you get fat, it looks like a double chin, and it's not really that defined anyway. Then I've decided that while I'm at it, if I'm not thin I want to do lipo in my thighs, breast enhancement, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, veneers on four of my front teeth since braces never really did work for me. (Notice I dont smile very big in my photos). Shit. I've become warped into the media. Thank you dad for having a media job. Thank you ANTM. Thank you Victoria's Secret. Thank you magazine ads. Surgery will be my 18th birthday present (at least the chin surgery will). Yeah and don't leave comments like 'oh youre perfect the way you are' because if I was, I would 'feel' perfect. Hmph. Goodnight. 5 notes | can you hear my song?

[Sunday Apr 16th, 2006 10:18 pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | michael buble of course. ] This morning I woke up to my dad yelling 'get up, get out of bed, we need to get out of the house right this second' and of course my first reaction is 'wtf? I want to sleep' but I got out of bed ran downstairs, with everyone else and went outside.... and the deal was that something was burning underneath the house. We have a crawl space thing underneath, and there are two holes in cement in the garage where a burning smoke was coming up... apparently in the walls, and so we're standing outside hoping that it doesn't start a fire up the side of the house. 911 comes, and gets down in the crawl space and figures out what has happened. it's a good thing my dad found the smell, because it could've easily started an electrical fire... what happened was our water pump somehow was burning up. so that was pretty scary. THEN today I was out playing tennis and practicing my backhand like I usually do, so I bounce the ball forward a couple times so I can practice shuffling to the front of the court to backhand the ball, and so I get up there, and I dove for it you know, hit the ball over but I dove a little too far and I couldn't catch myself (because I had both hands on my racket) and I landed and skid about a foot... and I bloodied up both my knees really badly. Now there's lovely skid marks of my skin on the court (ew I know) and both my knees are super sore with bandages on them, and they sting really bad. The moronic thing I did, was keep playing after I did it... I played about an hour with bloody knees and pretty much that made it worse... haha. Oh well. No pain no gain right? Damn holidays. I freaking pigged out today, but hopefully I won't have to pay for it too much. I'll just go to the gym every day this week and spend an hour on the bikes and treadmills. I love the gym... watching t.v. while you work out... takes your mind off what you're doing so you can work out that much more. 7 pounds, till the weight I was at last year. I can do it. Happy Easter everyone. Hope yours was better than mine. 2 notes | can you hear my song?

[Saturday Apr 15th, 2006 1:52 pm] So this morning consisted of a giant easter egg hunt at our next door neighbors... it was cute. There was tons of food and I managed to actually control myself. I ate a small portion of ham, and small scoops of corn, green beans, and peas. Then I drank a glass of tea, then went for diet coke but only took a few sips then dumped it because I just don't need soda. Haha. ( photos from today & one from the show ) 10 notes | can you hear my song?

I ROCK [Friday Apr 14th, 2006 11:01 pm] I just weighed myself today. I am 112. 2 weeks ago I was 116, and pouting. I actually got on the scale thinking 'oh god I'm sure I've gained weight' but looks like those extra hours of tennis and dog walking are starting to pay off. (And this week I've been eating much less.) I feel great. 3 notes | can you hear my song?

[Monday Mar 27th, 2006 7:39 pm] So currently I'm working on my International Day project, of which I'm doing on Germany. I'm way too thorough for my own good. I have all of my information for my board (all of which I'm surprised fits) and then I'm creating a seperate binder full of extra information. It will probably end up being 100 pages or so. What I'm excited about is explaining the history of Germany, and showing all of the things I acquired when I lived there. It will be more personal to be able to display photos of me visiting Dachau Concentration Camp, and give a firsthand experience to the emotion and sorrow that lingered on each step on those grounds. The presentations are Thursday, and it will be nice to get out of school an entire day. Also, today I was in the band room in the morning, like I always am, playing piano... and about 10 minutes through playing a woman walked out and was astonished at my playing. It was Mrs. Bradley. I've heard much about her, and it was nice to meet her. Ms. Sturm had been asking me to figure out who she was so that I could do accompaniment for Varsity Vocals but you know how I procrastinate... But anyway, I got the chance to meet her and I signed up to audition for Varsity Vocals during my lunch period on friday. My friends are pretty faithful that I'll make it, (I hope so) and I really have no idea what I'm going to sing. I'm stuck between Phantom of the Opera, You Raise Me Up, and Sound of Music. I'm really excited though, I really miss being in show choir... being in all-county chorus... and travelling around. Those times were amazing experiences. :) And, spring break cannot come any sooner. Really. I can't wait. We're going to Dollywood as a family. :) 1 note | can you hear my song?

WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE? [Saturday Mar 25th, 2006 11:14 am] [ mood | determined ] What's in reality? Truth is that which is real, which is inherent, which is belief. Or not belief. Reality and inherence are the constants in this equation, but it is not entirely proven that belief is in the solution. False is that which cannot be proven, which is incorrect, which is unchanged. Or not unchanged. Proof and being incorrect remain consistent, but that is not to say that false can be unchanged. Belief can be deemed false. The unchanged can change into truth. But there are three more factors in this formula: Accepted, Judgement, and Interpretation. True and false alike can be accepted, judged, and interpreted. But all is subjective. One can refuse to accept truth, while juding it for a falsity, whereas reality is interpreted incorrectly. One can accept false, while judging it for truth, whereas there is no reality to be interpreted. Reality is this complex way of characteristically viewing what one sees and determining true and false. Ignorance plays part by altering that view of which is true, and an open-mind plays part by analyzing and concluding that which is truly false. So, with all that said, do me a favor and examine the inherence of situations before you are quick to judge. Deem me false if you may, but that is not reality. 3 notes | can you hear my song?

LES YEUX [Friday Mar 24th, 2006 10:33 pm] [ mood | curious ] Les yeux. Captivate. Intrigue. Enlighten. Lines of symmetry branch from a dark circle of mystery. Colors dance about prisms of light. And they're all mirrored at night. And they sleep beneath a bed of subconscious. Do not blink, you'll miss out on a spare moment. Shut not, the medium of view. And the visuals that you once drew. And a single image is never a constant. Movement is the repetition. Hide behind a tale of a thousand tries. I see through closed doors. And the footprints upon the floors. And I am grasped by such cautious truths. Look both ways but never once turn back. Penetrate what is so direct. And there is time later to reflect. And keep focus on the pillars before you. Stay away from contradiction. Filled with oceans that swell to sights. Piercing every thought to convey. And all life connected or astray. Les yeux know future untouched intentions. Captivated. Intrigued. Enlightened. Les yeux. can you hear my song?

WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE? [Friday Mar 24th, 2006 8:39 pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | such great heights ] Love. The dictionary proclaims so many definitions: Main Entry: 1love Pronunciation: 'l&v Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lEof dear, Latin lubEre, libEre to please 1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love 2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion 3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b (1) : a beloved person : DARLING -- often used as a term of endearment (2) British -- used as an informal term of address 4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God 5 : a god or personification of love 6 : an amorous episode : LOVE AFFAIR 7 : the sexual embrace : COPULATION 8 : a score of zero (as in tennis) 9 capitalized, Christian Science : GOD - at love : holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis - in love : inspired by affection This is Merriam-Webster's connotation, but how can any word truly describe such an emotion? Love is the King of Emotion, the constant appreciation, the alpha branch to so many ideologies. Sometimes, I even wonder if the word is even sufficiently matched to its meaning. Four letters, one syllable. It rolls off your tongue as easy as any cliché these days. But why is it that so many of us exercise this word as often as a hello or goodbye, but then complain about its horrible nature? Perhaps because people tend to associate it within one of two attitudes: positive and negative. Love is either affection, or pain. And anything else in between. So what is the true meaning? What lies behind these –let's call them, falsities? Well, I think Love has a harsh reputation. It is looked up to as this all-powerful substance, thought, notion, and action… but why? The most sensible, proper antonym to Love would be fear. What we do not know, we fear. It is human nature. It is the ignorance of such a thing that is not understood that brings about this cowardice towards it. Love is so misunderstood; that it is difficult to even concur that is has a meaning, or ever did. So fear is absent of understanding. But Love, is a natural state of mind. Perhaps Love is subconsciously comprehended, but our conscious mind cannot break down its expression, or in that case, refuses to. Most ideas so apparent are often blind to us. We become too preconceived to what we think something is supposed to be, or what we think it should be that things almost instantly hold no form. But in the end, everything is formless. Nothing exists inherently. We do not exist inherently. We are composed of so many particles. We are not 'one'. 'First person' is biologically… incorrect. No entity, survives solely upon itself. Life is formless. But isn't that contradiction? Yes and no. Form, is form, but it is comprised of nothing by itself. Therefore it is empty. Form, is void of form. It only exists for something else. But back to fear. So fear is a falsity… while love is a natural state of mind. And the natural states of mind? Well, they are pure; uninhibited. Our minds are born ignorant, and positively, and by being exposed we are released into a world of all-knowing. Negative emotion, impure thought, false actions. These manmade ideas obstruct our natural-viewing. It is when these distractions enter the mind, that Love becomes negative. Because you allow Love to become one with hostile, polluted states of mind, this natural compassionate state of mind ceases to be known albeit that it still exists. It still exists because it is inborn, but because we refuse to allow it to be original, it becomes fear. We no longer know Love. It is either accepted or not accepted, but that does not construe that it is understood. For example, this glass cup before me. I do not fear it. I know it, and I know what it is made of, how it got there, and the purpose it serves. There are missing links in the emotion of love. They exist hidden beneath the surface of consciousness. This emotion is discriminated because it is feared and unknown. The only way to counteract today's notions of love is to accept, and allow your mind to naturally compose an understanding, without questioning it. Of course, it is human nature to question everything, but by allowing corrupt states of mind to interfere with the questioning then what purpose does the question serve? Perhaps, the mysteries of the mind cannot be solved. Perhaps Love truly cannot be solved, at least for now. There is no formula, there are no maps or directions. Shakespeare once wrote: 'Love can transpose to form and dignity; Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste; wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste. And therefore is Love said to be a child; because in choice, he is so oft beguiled. As waggish boys in game themselves forswear, so the boy Love is perjured everywhere.' And thus is true. Love has no judgement… it is infinitely expandable. It grasps anything and everything. But it is how you interpret Love that determines that mistaken fear. Fear is not inherent. Remember that. can you hear my song?

SICK... WHAT A WAY TO BEGIN 2006 [Saturday Dec 31st, 2005 10:10 pm] [ mood | sick ] So, I'm bummed. I woke up with a sore throat & major headache today... and I feel a bit better off & on, I keep drinking hot drinks and popping tylenol. I also had no plans for tonight, because they fell through and that sucks. So I'm here, with a house to myself... bored, and feeling yucky. I don't have anyone to come over & cheer me up either. Haha. I wish Colin was with me. Or Caitlin. They would make me un-sick, haha. 6 notes | can you hear my song?

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN [Thursday Dec 22nd, 2005 8:10 pm] Stepping past the shadows, over each crack on the cement. The sun creeping over the mountains, casts a glow behind the neighborhood. Good Bye 10809, you're empty now. Wind past the streets that won't retrace my footsteps. The clouds won't be colored in the same way in a different place. Those cars passing by... they're not passing by again. Street signs, and rocky paths turn into the past. Morning walks to school will be bus rides through the snow. Warm desert wind to bitter blizzard fog. Familiar bodies wave their hands, offer their hugs. Cameras flash, and pens sign numbers across spare paper. This will be a memory tomorrow. Beautiful things placed in leaving hands. Tear-ridden, rosy cheeks smile one last time. Watch as his face turns shamefully away forever. Keep in touch, tell them everything is alright. Packed suitcases into a trunk big enough to hold the emotions. They stand there and say good bye. That other boy waltzed into my life so eagerly. He's the only one still standing for me. I watch him wave before the tinted windows. He deserves to see my face again. And along with him, I will grace old familiar faces once again so soon. Don't say good bye forever... this is not 'forever'. 2 notes | can you hear my song?

SO WHAT IF I'M ADDICTED TO MYSPACE! [Tuesday Dec 20th, 2005 1:07 pm] [ mood | disappointed ] Basically, I know I suck... because I haven't been on here forever, and haven't bothered to reply. Yeah yeah yeah. I've been warped into myspace. You know how that goes. Well, I definitely have been writing more often, therefore I shall post more. I promise. And I need to be more active in communities... so give me some damn good communities to join. No emo shit though. And tomorrow is my last day here in Vail. I go to Phoenix for Christmas then I fly out to Ohio where I will be living. I hate it hate it hate it. 3 notes | can you hear my song?

LOOK UPON YOURSELF FOR ONCE AND AGREE WITH ALL I THINK OF YOU [Wednesday Oct 5th, 2005 11:05 pm] Isn't it ironic, that one of the most intelligent people you know would tell you that they are unintelligent? I'm baffled by such a remark... by this person. He is certainly unaware of how admired and inspired I am by him... even how captivating he is, in all 3 years that I've known him. This person, I can bring about subjects of conversation with a high caliber of knowledge and he's there dishing out facts, and arguing points that I didn't realize in the first place. He opens my mind, and he doesn't know it. He wouldn't think he could, as he doesn't think to highly of himself. And Intrigue... is another word I would associate with him. I've met very few people whom I was quite intrigued by... and he is surely one of these rarities. So, what am I trying to say exactly? Well, I suppose you tell me, because I'm confused in the first place. This humble person knows not how he is captivating young minds. Oh how I wish he would. And how I wish age and distance would not place a barrier. I would love to spend one whole day with him... as such an occurence unfortunately, never did happen. *sighs* Some day perhaps, when I'm on my own... 11 notes | can you hear my song?

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